Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Luckiest Girl in The World (continued)

I love this dress. I knew this was *the* dress before I ever touched it. I was meant to wear it. I was meant to belong to him.

I love my husband-to-be. It's perfectly strange how little will change once we are married. We've been best friends- utterly inseparable best friends- for almost five years. I knew from our first date that I could never fall in love with anyone else. It was over. I didn't ever want to be married, I didn't ever want to be somebody's wife, I had never wanted to settle down, to have a home, to have a life. But there was no fighting it. There was no doubt. Jason is the reason I exist. He is my purpose. He is the ideal man. I could not live with myself, had I ever let go of such an incredible human being, who, for reasons I will never understand, is and always has been totally enamored with me. I could never explain how undeserving I am of his attention, his affection. But it's useless to try. I could never convince him of the fact that I am so unworthy. He's delusional! He is blinded by love! But that's just fine with me, because I do love him so totally. I'll just have to spend the rest of my life trying desperately to become the kind of good that he is, (though I know I'll fail). He is a prince among men, an angel among mere mortals, my knight in shining armor!

Luck doesn't begin to describe it. I was meant to be with him. My whole life, I've been waiting for something really good to happen, disbelieving that there was such a thing as a truly great man. Then one hot summer night it just happened. It was just an ordinary day. I tiptoed out of the house in the middle of the night. I was meeting a friend, who took me to this tiny video store that I just had to see. And it changed everything. Meeting him, falling in love with him, it completely changed me. I am not who I was. I feel like I didn't exist before I fell in love with him, that I couldn't live without him. He the source of my every happiness. No, luck doesn't cover it. Maybe fate. Maybe providence.

I cannot wait to wear this dress, to promise myself to him. He is my belief in life.